It's Blackjack, Bitch

I've been dealt a hand neither too high nor too low.

My turn comes about and the choice is mine:

Gamble on what I already have and know?

Or take a chance and put what I have on the line?

All or nothing is how I bet,

But what am I really ready to risk now?

Make this not a hit I'll regret.

How much more of this will my dealer allow?

Thoughts

I'm not waiting for anything. I don't expect anything.

* * *

Never forget to look before you fall again.

* * *

Losing touch, losing faith, losing sight.

Get a grip.

* * *

When there's this much gray, even the black and white become blurred.

* * *

I know if you kissed me now you'd just fool me again.

* * *

The distance between us feels more like a force and less like a reality.

* * *

Lost in a sea of nothing and disdain.

* * *

He's slipping away from us and I can see it before my eyes.

* * *

Perfection-I've felt it, I've known it, I've had it, I've loved it, I've lost it.

* * *

I've watched most of my dreams come true. Now I've seen most of my nightmares too.

* * *

I can hear them calling but I can't work up the courage to answer.

* * *

I miss the moonlight.

* * *

I'm afraid to want, to try, and to care.

* * *

You never loved me.

The meaning of life

All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on.
Henry Ellis

-If only letting go wasn't killing me. To be living, I need to hold on. So why isn't that an option?

Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact.
William James

-This becomes a problem when you can't bring yourself to believe that.

He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
Friedrich Nietzsche

-My reason why I'm living? Because life won't let go of me. No matter how much I beg. I don't think how I live is even a question to be considered right now.

Life has meaning only if one barters it day by day for something other than itself.
Antoine de Saint-Exupery

-I'm trying, I really am. I think of Breanna often and how much she needs me. And my family, I guess they'd be hurt too if... And I have so many friends. But it'd hard to imagine that they wouldn't be okay without me. I try to barter for everyone else, because I don't for myself, but it's not the same as it used to be or it should be. It's not at all. And I know meaning. My life was once so filled with it.

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
Harvey Fierstein

-It's too late. I am a victim. I am nothing.

Only a few things are really important.
Marie Dressler

-And I understand what they are. I try my best to focus on those. But sometimes they push themselves away from me. This is when life becomes unbearable.

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies.
Erich Fromm

-The problem is that it's addicting. I want that extreme happiness and bliss I had for months before everything fell apart. I want to go back to when the days were bright, money was not an issue, my heart beat regularly, my best friend was still my best friend forever, and I could smile a real smile.

While there's life, there's hope.
Marcus Tullius Cicero

-I can only hope that's true. ;)